If love is the foundation for every relationship, trust is the brick and mortar and without it your relationship is destined to fail. There is no quality more important than trust which is defined as confidence or reliance on a person’s integrity, strength and abilities. It sounds simple enough, but trust is really about being vulnerable. It is about being comfortable being open and honest about your feelings, failures and fears. If you don’t trust someone completely, you will not be able to communicate effectively with them because you will be afraid of how they will respond.
When you first start dating someone there is this game of masquerade going on and you rarely get to see the true person. There is a tendency to want to put your best foot forward and stretch the truth to impress the person you are with. Trust is also difficult because of the desire for self preservation – it’s the all about me attitude that many of us have; “look out for number one” and “never let them see you sweat” clichés cause us to think of ourselves before others.
But there comes a time when the façade has to be thrown out of the window and we start to get real with one another. This is the only way the relationship can move on to the next level. To be completely vulnerable and have confidence in your partner’s integrity, strength and abilities requires you to first understand who you are, what your faults are and be willing to share those faults with your loved one. How many people keep up the act until they get engaged or married, only to have who they really are come to the surface when the relationship ends? It may sound trite but honesty is truly the best policy.
The other day I shared something with my husband that I was not necessarily proud of. He didn’t react negatively or judge me and that is exactly what allows us both to be completely transparent, open and honest with each other.
Please don’t make the mistake of believing that when you trust someone that there is an expectation that they will never do anything wrong. We are all human and we will make mistakes. The true test of trust is in how you both handle those situations. Can you be honest enough to take accountability for what you did wrong? Will your spouse be able to forgive you without harboring any resentment? Remember, to err is human, but to forgive is divine. Building trust takes time, is never complete and it must be maintained over time.
Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information contact them at 818-835-2ECI or visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com
