Accountability is the state of being resposnible to someone or for some action. In relationships, this concept is often overlooked. We have found that it is one of the critical elements of successful partnerships. Being accountable to your loved one is about taking responsibility for your own actions. It has everything to do with asking the questions; What can I do better? How can I improve myself? How did my actions or words contribute to that argument? When you ask these questions, there is no room for finger pointing. A wise person once said if you point your finger at someone else there will always three fingers pointing back at you! One of our #1 rules is that no one is perfect, not your partner and certainly not you. Stop worrying about what the other person is or is not doing and concentrate on improving your own behaviors.
When you are able to realize that you may be responsible for the unhappiness in your marriage or that your actions may have caused the huge argument, that's when you have to learn to say the three magic words "I am sorry". Accept the fact that you are human and we all make mistakes. The key to saying I am sorry is not just in the words. Make sure that you truly are sorry and that you are going to make every effort not to make the same mistake again. In addition, it is important for you to tell your loved one exactly what you are sorry for. Too many times we just say sorry and we don't really know what we are apologizing for.
A relationship is only as good as the sum of it’s parts – if I work on improving, developing and loving myself, my relationship has to get stronger because I am better. If your partner chooses to go on their own self improvement journey too it will be even better. Remember - no relationship ever begins or ends because of one person - it takes two to Tango!
Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com.
