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| Pia and Vet 1985 |
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| Pia and Vet 2013 |
As you can see from the photos of us from 1985 - 2013, change is inevitable! In just a few short months we will be officially empty-nesters as our youngest of four children goes off to college. We have talked and joked about this for many years now and often times with mixed emotions. The fact of the matter is that there will be changes in your life that affect your relationships, some you can plan for such as children growing up and moving out, but others are unexpected. Unfortunately, we have all probably witnessed many relationships that were not able to weather the changes together. Often times you will hear them say that they just changed or “grew apart.” Again, change and growth are certainties, but how are you preparing your relationship to be able to survive through the changes? To deal with the changes is best described by the three C’s: Connection, Communication, and Compromise.
Connection
One thing that successful couples have in common is that they simply take time to make their relationship a priority. Everyone is busy, but if you don’t have regular “connection time” which is intimate, private time between you and your partner on a regular basis you are not preparing for success. A common example of this is when parents put all of her energy, time and effort into raising their kids and none on their marriage. Once the kids move out, they realize that they don’t really have a connection with each other. They have spent the last two decades making the kids the priority instead of their relationship. Another common mistake is being so focused on job or career that your personal relationships always take a back seat.
Communication
The second technique necessary to deal with change is communication. I know you hear about every time the subject of relationships comes up, but effective communication is vital. You should talk to one another as often as you can about everything that you can. This will insure that you stay in touch with each others needs, wants, fears, dreams, likes and dislikes. We all change and grow over time and your odds of adapting to these changes are much better if you have open and honest communication with one another.
Compromise
Last but not least is compromise. If change is inevitable, you are bound to have a few differences of opinion along the way. Compromise is NOT about giving in or letting the other person “have their way.” Compromise is defined as the settlement of differences by mutual concessions. It is meant to be an intermediate solution to opposing views. For example, as we countdown the days until we are empty-nesters we have learned that we have a difference of opinion on how we spend our new found freedom. One of us would like to like in a cool, downtown loft close to nightlife and shopping, while the other desires to maintain a large family home in preparation for future family gatherings and grandchildren. After much discussion, we have decided that the compromise will be that we will most likely sell our current home and then maintain two residences - a loft or condo walking distance to restaurants and shops and a home suitable for holidays and weekend retreats with family. Every relationship is different but the important thing about managing change is willingness to be open to compromise.
Love & Blessings,
Levett & Pia
Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts, co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages and Love is Never Enough: Five Elements of Effective Relationships and coaches dedicated to helping people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers and relationships. They are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and their vision is to inspire others to maximize their potential by living an authentic life to experience true love and happiness regardless of their background, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples and singles and provide valuable insight from both the male and female perspectives.
For more information on our upcoming events such as our Successful Singles Program or UNcommon with Brian Tracy book-signing, visit their websites www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com or www.PiaWashington.com; contact them via phone 805-415-5359 or 818-835-2ECI or follow them on twitter at www.twitter.com/piavet.
