Marriage - Are you playing to win or not get hurt?

Winning at Marriage – The case for relationship coaching

Athletes do it, so do professional singers, actors and many corporate executives. In order to be the best they can be, successful people hire coaches to teach, train and instruct them on their craft. Often times, it is the coach, who helps devise the game plan, leads and inspires the team to victory. The most significant team or partnership that exists is the one between husband and wife.

It always amazes us at how much more time people spend planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage. The wedding should be a meaningful event to be cherished but it is only one day compared to the marriage which will last for a lifetime. Starting your marriage off with a game plan and a coach sets you up for success. As the old adage goes “failure to plan is the same as planning to fail.” Before you experience any major problems in your relationship, coaching is recommended to give couples the tools they need to address any potential problems in the future.

Many times people use the terms coach, therapist or counselor interchangeably but there are distinct differences. Going back to our sports analogy, athletes are instructed and guided by their coach until they are injured and then they are referred to a physical therapist to correct the problem. The same is true in relationships; the ideal time for coaching is early on and when things are going well. Relationship coaching is a client-focused service where a couple is assumed to be healthy, powerful and able to achieve goals with effective support, information and guidance. Once there are problems in the marriage, professional help from a licensed therapist is recommended.

Below are some of the significant differences between therapy and coaching:

Therapy-Assumes the client needs healing; Coaching-Assumes the client is whole
Therapy-Roots in medicine, psychiatry; Coaching-Roots in sports, business, personal growth
Therapy-Works with people to achieve self-understanding and emotional healing; Coaching-Works to move people to a higher level of functioning
Therapy-Focuses on feelings and past events; Coaching-Focuses on actions and the future
Therapy-Explores the root of problems; Coaching-Focuses on solving problems
Therapy-Works for internal resolution of pain and to let go of old patterns; Coaching-Works for external solutions to overcome barriers, learn new skills and implement effective choices

At a bare minimum, we recommend relationship coaching for newlyweds to sit down and map out the business plan for their marriage. For couples that can afford it, coaching sessions should be performed on a regular basis to help the couple as they develop and grow in their relationship together and to address any major life issues that may arise. And finally, we believe that every marriage could benefit from the occasional annual check-up.

Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information contact them at 818-835-2ECI or visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com