What is your Love Language?

I always get a little anxious this time of the year. The Christmas Holiday is less than 10 days away and I haven't purchased any gifts for my family. It is particularly stressful because I am married to a man whose primary love language is gift giving. Every gift he gives is a perfect gesture of love and shows the effort and thoughtfulness that went into it. My primary love language however is quality time. It's not that I don't want to give thoughtful gifts - I am not good at it, I don't care for shopping and I honestly would rather be cuddling up in front of our fireplace drinking a glass of wine. The 5 Love Languages® written by Gary Chapman is a New York Times bestseller that has helped millions of couples (and parents) learn how to express their feelings in the right love language. If you and your partner have different love languages it is essentially the same as if one of you was speaking French and the other German. Finding out what your love language is only half the battle - the other half is to learning the language of your loved ones so that you can communicate to them and be sure that they feel loved. The 5 Love Languages® are explained below, what is your love language? Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten. Quality Time In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful. Gift Giving Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the gift giver thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures. Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter. Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive. Good luck figuring out what your partners love language is and if you think it is gift giving - this is the best time of year to show them love! Happy Holidays!! Love & Blessings, Pia

Why Did I Get Married?

There have been movies with the same title that seemed to contemplate the purpose of marriage. We have also been a part of several debates on the topic (Beats Radio on Blog Talk Radio and Marriage Chat on Twitter). It seems that with the alarming rate of divorces in this country that it is a relevant question. Perhaps there are some women out there who had the vision of the knight in shining armor coming to rescue them and after the fairy tale wedding they would live happily ever after. Once reality set in(work, kids, finances, etc.) they most likely they began to question why they ever got married in the first place. We have also had singles question the purpose of marriage and whether or not it was an institution that was no longer relevant. As a happily married couple we want to tell you that we believe marriage is still a very relevant and meaningful institution. So why did we get married? First and foremost because we love each other and we want to be together. It seems simplistic, but we really enjoy spending time together. Today we both worked from our home office and even though we were so busy with work and back to back conference calls, we were still together and we were able to carve out time to eat lunch together. It was also important to us to be married so that we can have a family and be “partners in parenting”. The highest level of intimacy that can be achieved is between husband and wife. We are truly each other’s best friends and there is nothing we can’t share with one another. Once we decided we wanted to be committed to each other marriage was the natural next step. We wanted to make that commitment in front of God, our friends and our family. When couples are having trouble in their relationship it’s often helpful for them to try to remember why they got married in the first place. What was it about your spouse that attracted you to them in the first place? Are those characteristics still present? Have you or your partner changed significantly? If the answer is no, and assuming you got married for the right reasons, focus on the good qualities and get your marriage back on track. Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com.

Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com.