Why I Love My husband

I am a member of The Happy Wives Club! The blog was created by Fawn Weaver (whose parents were featured in our first edition of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages) with the purpose of finding other women who adore their husbands and love their life. As a faithful member of the club, she has invited us all to join her in documenting the reasons why we love our husbands. In 2009 I posted the top 10 reasons why Levett is the best husband ever on Facebook, but I decided to take The Happy Wives challenge and join them in writing a list of everything that is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious about my husband! (BTW: did you know that Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious is just a bunch of root words thrown together: super- "above", cali- "beauty", fragilistic- "delicate", expiali- "to atone", and docious- "educable.") 

My list begins here....

1. He is EXTREMELY handsome! His dimples are beautiful, his eyes expressionistic and he is tall. Just kidding. he's not tall but he is taller than me and that is all that matters LOL!


2. He puts up with me and my mood swings AND those of my closest girlfriends. This takes a tremendous amount of PATIENCE and understanding.


3. He is very ROMANTIC. Picnics in the park, wine tasting, regular date nights, planning surprise trips to Europe, hot air ballooning over Napa Valley, need I say more?

4. He loves to SHOP and he has great taste! He shops for me, for our house, the kids, etc. which is great because I hate shopping. Just last week he went out and did the shopping for our 8 year little angel for my office charity. What a guy!

5. He is the most LOYAL person that I have ever known. He is loyal to his family, friends and his fraternity. We have been together since 8th grade and he has even had the same best friend since Kindergarten!!

6. He is literally good at EVERYTHING (except for spelling) – dancing, cooking, sports, public speaking, the list goes on.

7. He makes me LAUGH and we always have fun together! Even his laugh makes me laugh.

8. He is a God fearing man. He was raised with the influence of his Grandma & Grandpa Corbitt and they instilled very strong Christian values in him.

9. He spoils me terribly. I know that he would do anything to make me happy.

10. He is a LOVING man. Not only does he love me, our children and family but he loves our friends and extended family unconditionally. He cares for many of our friends children as if they were his very own.


To be continued...

Love & Blessings,

Pia

Marriage Equality Day

Today is National Marriage Equality day and to celebrate proponents of same-sex marriage are encouraged to go to Starbucks today to show their support. The fact that it is 2012 and we have to rally support for any kind of equality in this country is really upsetting. From a personal perspective, we are a Christian, married couple that are proud to say like President Obama we support same-sex marriage. We do not believe the government should have any control in who we love or how we express that love. As a “traditional” married couple, it does not infringe on my rights if a gay or lesbian couple are allowed to marry. In fact, I would argue that giving them the same rights insures equality and fair treatment for us all. Supporters of Prop 8 in California, a constitutional amendment to prohibit same sex marriage, also argued that our children would be adversely affected if same-sex marriages were legalized. It was their view that California public school districts would be required to teach children in grades K-12 that same-sex marriage is equal in every way to traditional marriage. Well, one could argue that same-sex couples will continue to exist whether marriage is legal or not and when these same-sex couples choose to raise a family our children will inevitably know that there are some families that have two Moms or two Dads. So prohibiting marriage doesn’t mean that you can protect children from knowing that same-sex couples exist and wouldn’t it be better for them to be married rather than cohabitating? We have taught our children to respect everyone regardless of race, religious beliefs or sexual orientation.


We believe that opposition to gay marriage is not just a defeat for same-sex couples but for any minority group that seeks the protection of the equal protection clause of the California Constitution. So, go to Starbucks today and have a latte in support of equality, not just for same-sex marriages but equality for all.

The Marriage Planners

The Marriage Planners – Failure to plan is planning to fail


Athletes do it, so do professional singers, actors and many corporate executives. In order to be the best they can be, successful people hire coaches to teach, train and instruct them on their craft. Often times, it is the coach, who helps devise the game plan which leads and inspires the team to victory. The most significant team or partnership that exists is the one between husband and wife but how often do they have a plan for their success?

We have often stated how it amazes us at how much more time people spend planning their wedding than they do planning their marriage. The wedding should be a meaningful event to be cherished but it is only one day compared to the marriage which will last for a lifetime. Starting your marriage off with a strategic plan designed by a coach sets you up for success. As the old adage goes “failure to plan is the same as planning to fail.” Before you encounter any major problems in your relationship, devise a long-term plan to help you address those issues before they arise.

If you discussed things like whether or not to have children, how many you should have and who will take care of them, you are ahead of the game. But the marriage plan needs to extend far beyond these basics to include extended family, finances, fidelity and any other unforeseen circumstances that could arise. For example, what would you do if your spouse needed to become the primary caregiver for their parent? What happens if you planned on having a dual income family and one of you cannot or will not work? Have you discussed the implications of infidelity? What would you do if your partner cheated? How would you feel if they wanted an open marriage? If one of you were completely paralyzed how would that change the dynamics of your relationship? Have you discussed your deal-breakers? What are the things that are so important to you that you cannot live with or without? With the appropriate amount of support, confidentiality, information and guidance, we can help design a plan to help you navigate through these potential pitfalls while helping you achieve your goal of a successful marriage whether you are just starting a relationship or have been married for many years – it’s never too late!

CONTACT US during the month of March and mention this blog to receive a COMPLIMENTARY Marriage Plan session!


Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information contact them at 818-601-2719 or visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com

Communication - Babbling Brook vs. Dead Sea

There are two basic personality types when it comes to communication; one author refers to them as the Dead Sea and the Babbling Brook. The Dead Sea goes nowhere – it receives but does not give. They have a large reservoir where they store that information and they are perfectly happy not to talk. On the other extreme is the Babbling Brook. For this personality, whatever enters into the eyes or the ears comes out the mouth, almost instantaneously. Because God has a sense of humor, opposites attract and most couples are made up of one Babbling Brook and one Dead Sea.


Most relationship experts say that communication is the most important aspect of successful relationships. We always say that EFFECTIVE communication is the key. Just because Babbling Brooks are always talking, it does not mean that they are communicating effectively or that their Dead Sea partner is not communicating at all. Communication involves listening as well as speaking and in order to be effective there has to be a constructive dialogue of give and take especially in times of conflict.

The communication continuum is like a spectrum that can go from mean spirited attacks to artificial harmony. Many Dead Seas live in a state of artificial harmony - they keep their true feelings buried inside because of fear of conflict and they just want to keep the peace. Babbling Brooks at their extreme can resort to destructive arguments and harmful attacks.

Levett’s advice to the Dead Seas:

1) Find a way to organize your thoughts. For some it will take just going through the situation in their mind slowly, step by step, others may have to write down their thoughts in a way that makes sense to them.

2) Once the thoughts are organized, express them in a way that is comfortable for you. If your Babbling Brook tends to talk over you, you can ask them to refrain from responding until you have gotten across what you want to say. Another alternative is to write all of your thoughts down in a letter or an email. This has the benefits being able to carefully edit your words and it forces the other person to hear you out before they respond.

3) Develop a time frame for discussion. It is helpful if you can agree on this ahead of time. Many dead seas may need a day or two to collect their thoughts. If there is a sense of urgency or time sensitive matter, this may not work. If a quick response is in order just take a quick break and remove yourself from the situation to collect your thoughts.

Remember - the most toxic behavior of all is withdrawal – talk, even confused, lost, frustrating talk is better than withdrawing into oneself. “Spiteful words can hurt your feelings, but silence breaks your heart.”

Pia’s advice to the Babbling Brooks:

1) Be quiet. I know this is difficult and counter-intuitive to the personality of the Babbling Brook but love is a choice and sometimes we must make sacrifices. We will never be able to really hear our Dead Seas and understand what they are feeling if we don’t let them get a word in.

2) Listen actively to your partner. Now that you are quiet, you have to be an active listener. This means truly hearing your partner out. This does not mean planning your next comeback. Many of us are so quick to retaliate we don’t take the time necessary to really listen and digest what the other person is saying. Effective communication involves LISTENING as much or more than TALKING – God gave us two ears and one mouth for that very reason.

3) Choose your words carefully – even if you pride yourself on being able to articulate your thoughts carefully and you already say exactly what you mean to say – this can sometimes to overwhelming or intimidating to the Dead Sea. It can be helpful if you consciously slow down and express your thoughts with a KISS (Keep It Simple Sweetie).

At the end of the day – you have to work on communicating to figure out what works best for you. It’s our advice to practice effective communication on a regular basis. Start by sharing the events of the day or week with your spouse, especially when things are calm and going well. The next time conflict arises you will be used to communicating in a healthy way and be prepared to deal with it accordingly.


Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages. They are principals of The ECI Group which offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offer invaluable insight into the male and female roles in any relationship. For more information visit their website at www.TheECIGroup.com or follow them on Twitter at http://twitter.com/piavet.