Nudity and the empty nest

Exactly five weeks from today we will be dropping our youngest child off at college 2,000 miles away from home. Since she is the last child and we’ve been through this several times before you would think that we would have this all figured out. Each time we drove away and left one of our children behind it was difficult and I cried like a baby all the way home but I always had more children to come home to and take care of.  This time is going to remarkably different since there will be no children left at home. Many of our friends and family members have asked how we feel about becoming "empty-nesters" especially at such a young age. And while my husband’s running joke is that he is excited for us to chase each other around the house naked, the truth of the matter is that there will be mixed emotions.

The Mayo clinic defines empty nest syndrome as the phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the last child leaves home. Some research has suggested that parents who experience this profound sense of loss are more vulnerable to depression, alcoholism, identity crisis and marital conflicts. More recent studies show the positive effects such as an opportunity for couples to reconnect with each other and improve the quality of their marriage while also having reduced stress from work and family conflicts. I will admit that I have been afraid about how emotional I would be when my last child goes away to college, however, I know the power of positive thinking so I am choosing to embrace the positive and share with you three ways that I plan on embracing my empty nest to insure I keep my marriage and my sanity intact.

#1 - Run around the house naked

I do not mean this in the literal sense but hopefully you get the picture. My husband and I have always been really great about keeping the spark alive in our relationship while raising four children. However, this will be the first time that it is just us living together so we plan to take full advantage of this opportunity to take our romantic relationship to an even higher level (if that’s possible.) One word of caution to those of you who might have spent all of your married life focusing on the kids and not each other, this may prove to be difficult. Many couples find that they do not really know their spouse any more or even worse do not really enjoy spending time with them. People do change and relationships are like anything else in life, they need to be nurtured and attended to - what you do not water will wither and die. So if you are reading this, hopefully it’s not too late to re-ignite the spark.

#2 - Find replacement children

Nothing can truly replace our children or change the fact that we will miss them, worry about their safety and get our feelings hurt when they do not call or come home as often as we would like.  However, the idea of having replacement children helps ease the pain of not having our own children in the house to take care of. Currently we have three adult children who live on their own and we have three dogs which we call our replacement children. When our youngest takes off for college, we may be in the market for a fourth. If pets aren’t your thing or just don’t fit into your lifestyle you can always borrow other people’s children. I love kids so much and enjoy spending quality time with nieces, nephews and my friend’s children and the great thing about this option is that you can spoil them rotten for a weekend and then send them back home!

#3 - Tackle your bucket list

You are never too young or too old to start tackling your bucket list. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life to keep busy, take on new challenges or just seek adventure. This is a sure fire way to help ease the sense of loss that your child's departure may cause. Perhaps you have always wanted to write a book or pursue a new career but you never did because you were too busy raising your kids. Maybe you want to take ballroom dance classes or plan a romantic dream vacation for two. Make sure to take time to engage in new activities, hobbies or career pursuits that will bring you joy.

We plan on embracing this next phase of our life with optimism and joy while doing the things that we enjoy. Perhaps there will be a new puppy in our future, a new home in wine country and a loft or a new business venture. And just in case we decide to run around the house naked, be sure to call before you come to visit!!!

  

Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts, co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages and Love is Never Enough: Five Elements of Effective Relationships and coaches dedicated to helping people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers and relationships. They are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and their vision is to inspire others to maximize their potential by living an authentic life to experience true love and happiness regardless of their background, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples and singles and provide valuable insight from both the male and female perspectives. 

For more information on our upcoming events such as our Successful Singles Program or UNcommon with Brian Tracy book launch, visit their website www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com or www.PiaWashington.com; contact them via phone 805-415-5359 or follow them on twitter at www.twitter.com/piavet.