Exactly five weeks from today we will be dropping our
youngest child off at college 2,000 miles away from home. Since she is the last
child and we’ve been through this several times before you would think that we
would have this all figured out. Each time we drove away and left one of our
children behind it was difficult and I cried like a baby all the way home but I
always had more children to come home to and take care of. This time is going to remarkably different
since there will be no children left at home. Many of our friends and family
members have asked how we feel about becoming "empty-nesters" especially at such
a young age. And while my husband’s running joke is that he is excited for us
to chase each other around the house naked, the truth of the matter is that
there will be mixed emotions.
The Mayo clinic defines empty nest syndrome as the
phenomenon in which parents experience feelings of sadness and loss when the
last child leaves home. Some research has suggested that parents who experience
this profound sense of loss are more vulnerable to depression, alcoholism,
identity crisis and marital conflicts. More recent studies show the positive
effects such as an opportunity for couples to reconnect with each other and improve
the quality of their marriage while also having reduced stress from work and
family conflicts. I will admit that I have been afraid about how emotional I
would be when my last child goes away to college, however, I know the power of
positive thinking so I am choosing to embrace the positive and share with you
three ways that I plan on embracing my empty nest to insure I keep my marriage
and my sanity intact.
#1 - Run around the house naked
I do not mean this in the literal sense but hopefully you
get the picture. My husband and I have always been really great about keeping
the spark alive in our relationship while raising four children. However, this
will be the first time that it is just us living together so we plan to take
full advantage of this opportunity to take our romantic relationship to an even
higher level (if that’s possible.) One word of caution to those of you who
might have spent all of your married life focusing on the kids and not each
other, this may prove to be difficult. Many couples find that they do not
really know their spouse any more or even worse do not really enjoy spending
time with them. People do change and relationships are like anything else in
life, they need to be nurtured and attended to - what you do not water will wither
and die. So if you are reading this, hopefully it’s not too late to re-ignite
the spark.
#2 - Find replacement children
Nothing can truly
replace our children or change the fact that we will miss them, worry about
their safety and get our feelings hurt when they do not call or come home as
often as we would like. However, the
idea of having replacement children helps ease the pain of not having our own
children in the house to take care of. Currently we have three adult children
who live on their own and we have three dogs which we call our replacement
children. When our youngest takes off for college, we may be in the market for
a fourth. If pets aren’t your thing or just don’t fit into your lifestyle you
can always borrow other people’s children. I love kids so much and enjoy
spending quality time with nieces, nephews and my friend’s children and the
great thing about this option is that you can spoil them rotten for a weekend
and then send them back home!
#3 - Tackle your bucket list
You are never too young or too old to start tackling your
bucket list. Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life
to keep busy, take on new challenges or just seek adventure. This is a sure
fire way to help ease the sense of loss that your child's departure may cause.
Perhaps you have always wanted to write a book or pursue a new career but you
never did because you were too busy raising your kids. Maybe you want to take
ballroom dance classes or plan a romantic dream vacation for two. Make sure to
take time to engage in new activities, hobbies or career pursuits that will
bring you joy.
We plan on embracing this next phase of our life with
optimism and joy while doing the things that we enjoy. Perhaps there will be a
new puppy in our future, a new home in wine country and a loft or a new
business venture. And just in case we decide to run around the house naked, be
sure to call before you come to visit!!!
Levett
and Pia Washington are relationship experts, co-authors of Shades of
Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages and Love is Never Enough: Five
Elements of Effective Relationships and coaches dedicated to helping
people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers and
relationships.
They
are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and their vision is
to inspire others to maximize their potential by living an authentic
life to experience true love and happiness regardless of their
background, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. Together since the age of 13, the husband and
wife coaching team offers executive and relationship coaching services
and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples and singles
and provide valuable insight from both the male and female perspectives.
For more information on our upcoming events such as our Successful Singles Program or UNcommon with Brian Tracy book launch, visit their website www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com or www.PiaWashington.com; contact them via phone 805-415-5359 or follow them on twitter at www.twitter.com/piavet.
For more information on our upcoming events such as our Successful Singles Program or UNcommon with Brian Tracy book launch, visit their website www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com or www.PiaWashington.com; contact them via phone 805-415-5359 or follow them on twitter at www.twitter.com/piavet.
