The business of relationships

Last night all of Bachelor nation watched the season finale of the Bachelorette and I think we are all still reeling from Hannah B’s decision, engagement and subsequent breakup! From the very beginning, Hannah said that she was going to lead with her heart. But as we have said many times, love is never enough. Although everyone enjoys a good romantic love story, leading with your heart instead of your head can lead to poor decisions including but not limited to Luke P being in the final four and Hannah choosing Jed over Tyler C.

On Monday night’s episode Hannah’s parents expressed concerns about Jed’s financial stability and his ability to support Hannah and a family as an aspiring singer songwriter. They wanted her to choose the steady guy. But should a person’s financial stability come into play when you are deciding who to marry? As a wife of over 26 years, a mother of 4 adult children and a grandparent I say ABSOLUTELY 100%. Now that shouldn't be the ONLY factor obviously but there is a business side to relationships that doesn’t get talked about enough. The financial piece, the one that is driven by your head and not your heart, that helps you validate if you are making a good decision. The one side that asks will we make a good team? Are we in alignment with our goals? Hannah in her fiercely independent way that we all came to love, wanted to discount the financial stability question this and say that she can take care of her family. There is nothing wrong with the woman being the primary bread winner, but it is important to have this discussion. When the cameras stop rolling and all the romantic date nights, luxurious destinations and grand proposals are over how are you going to sustain a marriage and a family?

These are the things that no one is talking about. I encourage couples to discuss the 3 P’s before getting engaged or moving into a serious long-term commitment with someone to open communication about finances.

Past – Discuss your final history. What is your credit score? Do you have outstanding debt/student loans? If so, how much? Have you ever filed bankruptcy or had any public judgments against you?

Present – Discuss your current financial position. What is your current salary? Do your parents or ex pay any of your bills?  What is your spending style or money personality? How much are you comfortable spending without consulting your partner? Are you comfortable paying bills and making investment decisions alone or would you prefer to do it together?

Projected - What are your future financial & career goals? Do you plan to invest in real estate and/or business? Do you plan on having kids, if so how many and will you pay for their college education? Are you willing to spend money on fertility treatments if you have difficulty conceiving? Are you willing to spend money on ageing parents if they get sick, if so how much?

Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts and co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages dedicated to helping people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers and relationships. They are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and their vision is to inspire others to maximize their potential by living an authentic life to experience true love and happiness regardless of their background, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars and provide valuable insight from both the male and female perspectives. For more on the business of relationships follow us on Instagram @ pia_wash and on Twitter @piavet.