Igniting the Spark

Disclaimer: This is post is for grown women only!

A few years ago we published a blog post titled "Romancing your Man" and we listed the top ten actions that get men in a romantic mood in order from most often to least frequent. Please feel free to read that post to see the list in it's entirety here: Romancing your man Today I would like to talk specifically for those of you who may need to put the spark back into your relationship OR if you want to fan the flames to make sure the spark never goes out. This advice to women can be summed up in a simple, easy to remember formula. In order to make sure your relationship stays H.O.T. you need P.I.A.


P - Play dress up: Men are visual creatures. How far you take this depends on your comfort zone, finances and what your man likes. You do not necessarily need to go out and buy a wig, sexy costume or expensive lingerie. But it is important to understand what your man likes and give him just that. For example, my husband has a thing for ponytails and short pleated skirts. He also likes me in a crisp while Men's dress shirt. The good news is that I stopped spending tons of money on fancy lingerie and sleepwear and invested that money in what I know my man likes.

I - Initiate romance/sex: Men like to feel desired. If you make an extra effort to plan a romantic date night and/or initiate sex not only does it take the pressure off of him, it makes him feel wanted. Again, this doesn't mean you have to book a night at the Four Seasons Hotel and have an expensive five course meal. If you have kids, send them to a friend's or relative's house and serve a home cooked meal by candlelight with soft music. This does not count if it is his birthday or some other holiday, it needs to be spontaneous on a random day of the week just because you love him. Now if you already do this from time to time, good job! I say keep it up but make sure you switch it up so it doesn't become boring, routine or expected. The element of surprise adds to the experience.

A - Always say yes: You can roll your eyes and smack your lips if you want to but I am speaking the truth. Men are sexual beings and they have this thing called an ego. So saying no or turning a man down for sex is a blow to his ego and self esteem. And as I stated above they want to feel desired and if you don't show that you desire them, someone else will. Please note that there are exceptions to this rule, but only a few. If you are sick and there is a legitimate reason you cannot engage in sex then by all means say no. In fact, a good man wouldn't ask during this time he would be trying to make you comfortable and nurse you back to health (but that is a blog post for another day). And just to be clear, headaches do not count. In fact, there is significant evidence that sex helps relieve headaches so take that excuse off the table. And you should NEVER, EVER withhold sex as a form of punishment, it's cruel and unusual but most importantly it just doesn't work. And worst case scenario if you withhold often enough it builds resentment and he may eventually get his needs met somewhere else. I'm just saying. 

Love & Blessings,

Pia Washington
Author of Attracting the Life you Want from the Boardroom to the Bedroom



Levett and Pia Washington are relationship experts, co-authors of Shades of Love: Portraits of Successful Marriages and Love is Never Enough: Five Elements of Effective Relationships and coaches dedicated to helping people produce extraordinary results in their lives, careers and relationships. They are members of the Relationship Coaching Institute and their vision is to inspire others to maximize their potential by living an authentic life to experience true love and happiness regardless of their background, sexual orientation or lifestyle choices. Their signature program The L.O.V.E. Institute teaches clients how to LOVE by “Living Our Values Every-day.” Together since the age of 13, the husband and wife coaching team offers executive and relationship coaching services and hosts conferences, workshops and seminars for couples and singles and provide valuable insight from both the male and female perspectives. For more information, contact them via phone 805-415-5359 or 818-835-2ECI, email strongrelationships@gmail.com website www.ECIGroup.coachesconsole.com Follow them on twitter at www.twitter.com/piavet